Looking Back...

"In the Garden of Gethsemane, the disciples went to sleep when they should have stayed awake, and once they realized what they had done it produced despair. The sense of having done something irreversible tends to make us despair. We say, "Well, it’s all over and ruined now; what’s the point in trying anymore." If we think this kind of despair is an exception, we are mistaken. It is a very ordinary human experience. Whenever we realize we have not taken advantage of a magnificent opportunity, we are apt to sink into despair. But Jesus comes and lovingly says to us, in essence, "Sleep on now. That opportunity is lost forever and you can’t change that. But get up, and let’s go on to the next thing." In other words, let the past sleep, but let it sleep in the sweet embrace of Christ, and let us go on into the invincible future with Him." My Utmost For His Highest, February 18. As you know by past blogs, I'm a daily reader of My Utmost For His Highest devotional. It never ceases to amaze me how God draws me to the right devotional for the right season. Today's devotional hit home for many reasons, and I hope you click on one of the links to read todays whole devotional. Lately, I have spent a lot of time wishing I had done some things differently. Even blaming my past decisions for my present situation. Yes, my past has shaped my present. However, being angry with a past I cannot change produces nothing worthwhile in my life. I know I cannot continue to blame a whole group for my distrust or loss of 6 years of my life. Good things, good friendships, were brought by that time. Somehow, I still grieve that time I lost not knowing my family because they weren't 'godly enough' to have an opinion on my life. People who knew me for a short time carried more weight in my life than my own parents. I don't say all of this to drudge up old wounds. I say it because I know I don't want to carry it anymore. I laid you in a bitter bed. Naming you unrest and giving you distrust for a best friend; I cherished the spite we shared. With tears wept for loss, shame, regret, I picked you up, and left you in the Sweet hands of hope. I did not know I was bound by your chains... until I truly forgave you. The load lifted high, I can love you for the things you didn't tear apart. Passion, excellence, purity...a Gospel foundation. You still exist, but not in the same form. You are once again so foreign... as the day we met. Until we meet again, I wish you love and peace and light. All the things you struggled to give to me, I give freely to you. With the past laid to rest, I finally see the hope, of a Future.