Spectacular

Saturday morning I woke up at 6:30am...excited. All day I kept saying "I feel like something really good is about to happen."

Don't get me wrong, Saturday was a good day. Good things happened...spent a few hours at the pool, lunched at my favorite place with friends, went to church...all good things. {Especially the friends!} But, I couldn't shake the feeling that something extraordinary and surprising was about to happen. I couldn't stop smiling...couldn't stop the anticipation jitters...couldn't stop the hope.

Every day since has been more of the same...can't shake the feeling. I don't want to shake the feeling. It really is amazing what happens to the mind and body and soul when hope is regained. I made a choice to give up the "I guess this is it...this is my life." Eeyore way of living. I want the spectacular and now I anticipate it.

The realist in me is always at war with the dreamy idealist. Which is probably a good thing...it keeps my feet closer to the ground. I know that there's work and that life doesn't happen like it did for Cinderella.  There's usually a gap between knowing your calling and getting to the point where you're living it. So I'm in that in between in all areas of my life.

So, for right now, I'm going to let this excitement fuel me for working on the daily disciplines. I know I'll need those disciplines to be able to walk in my calling. I'm mostly talking about the disciplines that bring me into closer relationship with God.

Choosing...
love over hate
joy over bitterness
peace over disunity
patience over haste
kindness over selfishness
goodness over sin-nature
gentleness over hostility
faithfulness over laziness
self-control over self ambition

I'm pretty sure spectacular happens when discipline and opportunity and courage intersect.

I choose spectacular.

Just What I Needed

Alright, based on my last post, Decisions, it's not hard to guess that I'm going through some stuff right now, but it is not all bad! I promise. Some really fun things are happening despite {or maybe because of?!} some recent life events.  On the tail end of a couple difficult weeks, tonight was one of those fun things, and just what I needed.

Laughing with friends, making a new friend, living vicariously through the scent of their BBQ, eating gourmet popsicles, sitting on the sea wall with a best friend talking about what could be, sharing dreams, speaking words of healing, and giggling about how ridiculous we can be sometimes. Tonight I realized I'm going to be OK...I am ok. I'm better than OK. I'm excited and renewed and hopeful and happy. Most of all, I'm know that I know that I know there's a great story for me to live.

In other fun news, if we're friends on facebook, then you've been seeing my sneak peek photos of a project I've been working on recently. If we're not facebook friends, here's a sneak peek for you too!

Details of what it all means will be shared soon. Trust me, it's exciting. Like chasing a dream type of excitement.

Tomorrow: Pool + Sun + Fun!

Decisions

Sometimes a decision is made for you. What I mean is that sometimes another person’s choice affects you in a way that you did not choose and it hurts. You see clearly what you tried to ignore for months, and know in the depth of who you are that it was the right decision. But {isn’t there always a ‘but’} because you know it in the depths, you feel it in the depths. Hurt, relief, anger, closure, grief, peace...sweet unanticipated peace, all flood the senses. Do you know it? This place of feeling happy and sad in the same breath? Emotions so physically felt that it is overwhelming to discern one from the other? Me too.

Knowing it was right probably makes it easier to bear, but what if it was reverse? What if it was wrong? What then? How does a person stand up under it? I’m glad it was right. It makes the walking away that much easier. Doesn’t it? No, not really.

Pictures taken off the walls and memories folded away into drawers and the recesses of a mental vault. Only to be taken out again when it wont sting quite so much...when the missing isn’t quite so strong.

It is a fight to not throw stones at the past or use them to build your walls even higher. Don’t even pick them up. You know it wont make you feel any better. {Well, maybe for a moment.} All you want is for their happiness and for your own too. So, you leave them alone because the only words left are heavy and damaging and should have been said months ago.

Bitterness breeds bitterness. Choose thankfulness knowing it produces joy. It’s how I smile most days, uncircumstantial joy. Hurt and pain and anger and grief are valid feelings, but not a state in which to live. Feel it, own it, work through it. Choose joy. Choose to hope for their best {and yours too}. But know, it’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to miss your friend. The way it used to be. The day will come though when it will be time to move on. Maybe that’s today, or maybe that day is a long way off. You’ll know when and how...when the time is right. You’ll know it, sense it, feel it, trust it...you will.

Sometimes a decision is made for you. Someone writes “The End” on a story you didn’t know how to finish. They unknowingly freed you to begin again. Maybe the best thing to say is thank you and I’ll miss you. Maybe that’s when you truly free yourself.

 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.

And the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:4-9