Testimony Time!

My prayer is, as you read about what God is doing in my personal process of exchange, you would be reminded of times when God came close when you drew near. I also hope it encourages you to ask God to show you what is hindering you, distracting you, drawing you away from Him, and exchange it for more of God. One way we are encouraged is through the power of testimony! You know you cannot argue with the truth of a person's life.

Michele Rayner has been a friend and confidant for over 10 years. The power of God in her life is incredible. Her humility, character, compassion, and love for people, set her apart as a woman of God. Not only is she a friend, she is a sounding board for me and my crazy ideas and revelations...always bringing balance to my dreaming mind. She recently shared this testimony with me about a time when she made a major exchange and how God was faithful to bring His presence near...

"Less than a year ago I was disillusioned. Bitterness, anger, and hurt had become constant companions of mine. I had just experienced major transition and upheaval in my life. I left a ministry, that just a few short years ago, I committed my life to serving God in that capacity. I was utterly confused. I felt people and God, had failed me. Most of all, I was ashamed because I knew I allowed my constant companions to move me away from the source of my life. There came a point that something had to change. One weekend in March, I decided, on a whim, to go to a college conference. The first Friday night (of the conference) something happened in my heart. As I was worshipping God, I began to repent and exchange all of what I held on to for all of Him. I found myself on my face, crying and asking God to come back. I was sorry that I walked away, that I allowed bitterness; hurt and resentment stifle our relationship. I quietly whispered "Holy Spirit, please come back" and in that moment I felt God's love and heart for me unlike I have ever known. That was the night; I came to truly understand what exchange was all about and set me on an amazing journey of the heart."

If anyone has a testimony they would like to share, please email me and I'll post it! Testimonies set people free by A)showing them they are not the only one who is going through/feeling that and B)gives people hope that God will show up for them too.

COMING SOON: New Post....keep your eyes on your email and feel free to share this site with your friends!

Humility, A Haiku

Broken on the floor

Tulips at her feet tonight

Glue it together again

_____

It is always interesting to to try a new way to express a written thought. Haiku's seem to hold a mystery about them. It expresses one single word or idea through 3 lines of poetry. So simple yet so provoking.

I was given the word humility and asked to express the meaning in the form of a Haiku. It is easy to get trapped into a frightening pressure at the thought of only having a few lines to creatively sum the whole of the word.

The word humility evokes a picture of brokenness. To be truly humble I have to be broken before God...at the end of myself. There comes a point, sometimes several points, in life where we come to the end of our strength and are stripped of everything we rely on. This happens solely for the purpose of humility and recognizing that God is almighty and powerful....not me. However, I believe I am given a choice to set my ego aside and give all glory to God, OR God will humiliate to remind it is His glory not mine.

The scripture provides key examples of what happens when you will and will not humble yourself:

Exodus 10:3-4 (NIV)

3 So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said to him, "This is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, says: 'How long will you refuse to humble yourself before me? Let my people go, so that they may worship me. 4 If you refuse to let them go, I will bring locusts into your country tomorrow.

2 Kings 22:19 (NIV)

19 Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the LORD when you heard what I have spoken against this place and its people, that they would become accursed and laid waste, and because you tore your robes and wept in my presence, I have heard you, declares the LORD.

I think the decision is clear....I will exchange my ego and pride for a life heard by God.

All too often, I refuse to listen to God because I am afraid of losing my 'beautiful' things...my career, my relationships, my talents...my, my, my. I have plans for my career, I have plans for my future spouse, I have plans for my talents...I,I,I.

It's not a fear of losing them and not knowing where they went. It's a fear of being asked to drop them completely. The fear comes from believing they will not be replaced. It's an issue of not trusting God to bring to me all the great things he promised. In that fear, it is easy to take the first beautiful thing that comes along when my natural circumstance does not lend to belief in the promises God gave me. I am not the first to fall into this trap. The trap of "it will never happen" and impatience.

The Bible says Abraham hoped against all hoped, even when his body was as good as dead, because he was fully persuaded that God had the power to do what He had promised to do. It was Abraham's faith in God's power that allowed him to be the father of many nations. (Romans 13-24, NIV)

I exchange my beautiful things for a faith that is fully persuaded by God's power.

Friends, God intends for you and me to live an extraordinary life filled with supernatural miracles, blessings and intimacy with Him. If only we would let go of our mediocre attempt to bring beauty to our own lives, and ask God to give us His beautiful things.

I exchange mine, mine, mine for Yours, Yours, Yours.

Exchanged

Psalm 103:1-4

1 Let all that I am praise the LORD; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. 2 Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things he does for me.3 He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.4 He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies.

I do not claim to be a theologian or know anything about hermeneutics, but I do know what God speaks to my heart through the Bible, through my times of prayer & journaling, through the mouths of those wiser than I.

The reality of a relationship Jesus is a new revelation to me. I spent many years having what I thought was a relationship but it was just a show. A show of what I thought it should be. It wasn't until recently that I had a true understanding of my desperate need for Jesus.

Through a series of events I allowed myself to buy into bitterness. I didn't understand that when I chose bitterness, I stole my own joy. It wasn't the devil....it was me. Did the devil play into it? Of course, but the initial decision was my own. All that I am stopped praising the Lord because of a single decision I made. There is nothing wrong with feeling hurt or anger, but there comes a point when you make a decision to wallow and not turn to Jesus...I wallowed...for a year.

The truly sad part is that I had myself convinced that I was OK. I wasn't. My spirit was starved, my heart cried of loneliness.....I was depriving myself of God, the only thing that satisfies. It so easy to put the blame on God for walking away from us, but in reality we are usually the ones that do the walking away. God didn't move, he stayed with arms wide open and tears for our hurts, tears that cleanse us.

There were several moments over the course of my "year of bitterness" that my spirit would turn and catch glimpses of all God had done for me, all that he brought me through, all the blessing, but I never turned long enough to be changed. I think a lot of people get angry because they think God didn't show up, God didn't speak to them, or God seemingly didn't care. My friends, those are untruths. In all honesty, we don't show up, we don't talk to God and we don't care. I had myself tricked into believing I truly cared about God. If I did, my sole intention for living would have been to know Jesus more. Looking at my life I was a good example of someone not living a life directed by the Holy Spirit. In Galatians 5:19-21, Paul describes the heart of a person that follows their sin nature.....almost all of those things have been active in my heart over the past year! It was so blatant, but I still believed I was in a relationship with Jesus. When in reality, I couldn't have because I wasn't living a life to inherit the Kingdom of God.

So, where does that leave me now?

Vicky Beeching says in her song Created "If we don't worship you, we'll search for substitutes, to fill the void in our soul, worshiping other things destroys our liberty, but as we praise you we are free." I am not satisfied with the substitute I called in, and I want the REAL thing. I want to be free. I am desperate to live a life solely intentioned to gain more of Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit living inside of me, a life seeking to increase those three in my inner woman, and a life to rid my spirit of the death I allowed to creep in it.

A dear friend introduced me to the theory that we are living a life of exchange. I sacrifice one thing to gain more of another. The theory works both ways. If I sacrifice intimacy with Jesus to live out a lust of my flesh, I increase death to my spirit. However, if I sacrifice my selfish ambition and my sin and my substitutes then Jesus has to increase. It is not a sacrifice out of obligation but a sacrifice out of an intense love and desperate need to have more of the Holy Spirit, more of God, more of Jesus living inside of me.

I need the tangible presence of God in me.