Looking Back...

"In the Garden of Gethsemane, the disciples went to sleep when they should have stayed awake, and once they realized what they had done it produced despair. The sense of having done something irreversible tends to make us despair. We say, "Well, it’s all over and ruined now; what’s the point in trying anymore." If we think this kind of despair is an exception, we are mistaken. It is a very ordinary human experience. Whenever we realize we have not taken advantage of a magnificent opportunity, we are apt to sink into despair. But Jesus comes and lovingly says to us, in essence, "Sleep on now. That opportunity is lost forever and you can’t change that. But get up, and let’s go on to the next thing." In other words, let the past sleep, but let it sleep in the sweet embrace of Christ, and let us go on into the invincible future with Him." My Utmost For His Highest, February 18. As you know by past blogs, I'm a daily reader of My Utmost For His Highest devotional. It never ceases to amaze me how God draws me to the right devotional for the right season. Today's devotional hit home for many reasons, and I hope you click on one of the links to read todays whole devotional. Lately, I have spent a lot of time wishing I had done some things differently. Even blaming my past decisions for my present situation. Yes, my past has shaped my present. However, being angry with a past I cannot change produces nothing worthwhile in my life. I know I cannot continue to blame a whole group for my distrust or loss of 6 years of my life. Good things, good friendships, were brought by that time. Somehow, I still grieve that time I lost not knowing my family because they weren't 'godly enough' to have an opinion on my life. People who knew me for a short time carried more weight in my life than my own parents. I don't say all of this to drudge up old wounds. I say it because I know I don't want to carry it anymore. I laid you in a bitter bed. Naming you unrest and giving you distrust for a best friend; I cherished the spite we shared. With tears wept for loss, shame, regret, I picked you up, and left you in the Sweet hands of hope. I did not know I was bound by your chains... until I truly forgave you. The load lifted high, I can love you for the things you didn't tear apart. Passion, excellence, purity...a Gospel foundation. You still exist, but not in the same form. You are once again so foreign... as the day we met. Until we meet again, I wish you love and peace and light. All the things you struggled to give to me, I give freely to you. With the past laid to rest, I finally see the hope, of a Future.

Etsy.com

I L-O-V-E www.etsy.com! If you are someone that appreciates handmade goods, then this is the website for you. Not only can you buy handmade, but you can also sell your handmade items. I plan on selling my jewelry there...after I carve out time to make some!

My favorite seller is Amanda Fenniak from Calgary, Canada. You can visit her shop by clicking ---------> HERE! She makes some stellar crocheted items and sells them at a VERY reasonable price.

In fact, this is what I bought from her:

This little cozy is for my new phone...

and this little cozy is for my water bottle...not a beer bottle lol.

Praise

Now that I have recovered and reposted the blogs I lost, I can move on to NEW blogs! Folks, please, please, please back-up your blogs. Recovering and reposting is not an easy task.

Unrequited

When you held my hand, and read my lips, I knew I would always love you. You spoke sweet words, and made my hearty giddy, I hoped I could always love you. Though you had my heart, you squished it a little, I wanted to always love you. When our lives split apart, and ill advice made me leave you, I secretly always loved you. Though I've grown and changed, and hardly know what makes you smile, I want to always love you. This want is unrequited, and probably will remain, I have to choose to no longer always love you. **author's footnote: This poem was written based on a reminiscing session I had this afternoon. A wonderful memory absorbed my thoughts and brought some feelings that surprisingly surfaced. While the memory session was nice, reality is can be nicer...sometimes.

Lessons

The past 2 weeks have been filled with learned lessons....life lessons, spiritual lessons, practical lessons. I hear Susan Reed saying, 'Woohoo! Finally!' to that last one! hahaha ;o) On to a more serious note, these lessons will be invaluable to me in the present and future. In the spirit of concise posts and the fact that I love list making, here are my lessons:

• Trust your gut instinct when you meet someone and you feel like something isn't quite right. You may be wrong in the ends, but better safe than sorry sometimes.
• Make sure to tell your friends to not give a man your phone number when they've only known him for 5 minutes. You never know what his intentions are.
• I will be buying pepper spray and taking self-defense classes.....every woman should.
• It is very easy to ask God forgiveness of my sin, but it is very hard to forgive those that trespass against me.
• I prayed and asked God to show me how to forgive. What God did was show me how He sees my trespasser. It is very hard to feel sorry for myself when overwhelmed by God's sadness for that person because they are separated from Him.
• Privacy: Not everyone needs to know every detail!
• Deacons: I love my deacons! Protecting, serving, praying, encouraging men of God...at least at my church!
• God is all about the lost being found, and I am learning to pray for those that are hard for me to love.
• Sometimes, you have to know when it is not healthy or safe for someone to be in your life, and it's OK. That does NOT mean I am off the hook on loving them with God's love, though.

Now that you have had enough of my life lessons, I am going to ponder more on some of those....especially forgiving those that trespass into my life.

Alison

A Surface Impression

im·pres·sion [im-presh-uhn] –noun 1. a strong effect produced on the intellect, feelings, conscience, etc. 2. the first and immediate effect of an experience or perception upon the mind; sensation. 3. the effect produced by an agency or influence. 4. a notion, remembrance, belief, etc., often of a vague or indistinct nature: He had a general impression of lights, voices, and the clinking of silver. 5. a mark, indentation, figure, etc., produced by pressure. 6. an image in the mind caused by something external to it. 7. the act of impressing; state of being impressed. Everyone holds an impression of the people in their lives. Whether it is a true impression or just a surface impression, matters not in the mind of the holder. When asked by a co-worker how I am doing, and my boss interjects, in reference to my performance, 'She's doing wonderful, that's how she's doing!', I can't help but feel I've duped him. You see, in my mind I give about 60% effort in my job. Terrible, I know, but that's how I feel. My current job is not my dream career, and it affects my personal performance in my tasks. In all honesty, what my boss means as a compliment has hit home as a conviction to my mediocre work ethic. It makes me wonder what he would say if I gave 100%. Maybe just dreaming about that dream job is not enough. Maybe I should be working as I would be in my dream job by doing my tasks with a concerted and excited effort. I don't want to just impress people. I want to live a 100% real and forthcoming life.