Decisions

Sometimes a decision is made for you. What I mean is that sometimes another person’s choice affects you in a way that you did not choose and it hurts. You see clearly what you tried to ignore for months, and know in the depth of who you are that it was the right decision. But {isn’t there always a ‘but’} because you know it in the depths, you feel it in the depths. Hurt, relief, anger, closure, grief, peace...sweet unanticipated peace, all flood the senses. Do you know it? This place of feeling happy and sad in the same breath? Emotions so physically felt that it is overwhelming to discern one from the other? Me too.

Knowing it was right probably makes it easier to bear, but what if it was reverse? What if it was wrong? What then? How does a person stand up under it? I’m glad it was right. It makes the walking away that much easier. Doesn’t it? No, not really.

Pictures taken off the walls and memories folded away into drawers and the recesses of a mental vault. Only to be taken out again when it wont sting quite so much...when the missing isn’t quite so strong.

It is a fight to not throw stones at the past or use them to build your walls even higher. Don’t even pick them up. You know it wont make you feel any better. {Well, maybe for a moment.} All you want is for their happiness and for your own too. So, you leave them alone because the only words left are heavy and damaging and should have been said months ago.

Bitterness breeds bitterness. Choose thankfulness knowing it produces joy. It’s how I smile most days, uncircumstantial joy. Hurt and pain and anger and grief are valid feelings, but not a state in which to live. Feel it, own it, work through it. Choose joy. Choose to hope for their best {and yours too}. But know, it’s OK to be sad. It’s OK to miss your friend. The way it used to be. The day will come though when it will be time to move on. Maybe that’s today, or maybe that day is a long way off. You’ll know when and how...when the time is right. You’ll know it, sense it, feel it, trust it...you will.

Sometimes a decision is made for you. Someone writes “The End” on a story you didn’t know how to finish. They unknowingly freed you to begin again. Maybe the best thing to say is thank you and I’ll miss you. Maybe that’s when you truly free yourself.

 “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice.

And the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:4-9