Anyway, as I was reading an article written by 2 female friends; one is married and one is single. This article addresses how single and married women can better relate to each other. I wish I had a link to the article online, but you can buy this issue at the Relevant Store. It is a great article about how single and married women can and need to be friends.
The best part of the article are 2 lists title, "Loving Single Friends" and "Loving Married Friends". Each had different things each group needs and wants from their friendships.
Here are the lists:
[DISCLAIMER: just so you know it comes from the fall 2006 issue of Radiant in the article What Not to Say by Marlene Baer and Cari Stone. This is my anti-plagiarism statement.]
Loving Single Friends:
- Initiate. Get a sitter if you need to and plan a date with me, without your husband and kids.
- Invite me over for dinner. It's tough to fend for yourself every night or to eat leftovers at the kitchen sink.
- Ask me to come on a weekend family trip or outing. I want to get to know your spouse and your kids.
- Join me on my turf. Pick me up for lunch at my office, go on a walk with me in my neighborhood or go out with me on a Friday night.
- Include me at your couples' parties. Rather than trying to protect me from an awkward situation, let me decide if I feel like coming to the party so I don't feel excluded.
- Ask me about my marriage and family. I value your perspective, and you have insights that can help me navigate my world.
- Meet me at a park to chat sometimes. If you can be patient with my divided attention, meaningful conversation can prevail.
- When you need advice about your professional life, call me. Remember that I still like to think about things other than 2-year-olds.
- Get to know my spouse. You interest in him and what makes him tick means a lot to both of us.
- When I have to say "no" to a fun getaway or evening because my family needs me, trust that this is a decision I didn't take lightly. Support my commitment to keep my family my first priority.
As a single woman, I can affirm that those 5 statements are true for me. It is important that not all activities with married friends revolve around kids, marriage and family events. On the flip side, it is nice to be included in those events because I only get to experience that perspective through my married friends. Basically, I want to be involved in my friends lives, but every good friendship needs some focused time too.
Being that I'm not married, I don't know if the "Loving Married Friends" list is true. Is it?
What would you add or remove from each list?
I like that list, too! Thanks for posting it.
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ReplyDeleteThat is an interesting list. I have never really thought in depth about that before.
ReplyDeleteI feel awkward very fast, so sometimes I feel weird inviting single friends to couples functions....only because couples always seem to talk about marriage and kids....which makes me feel awkward for my friend(s). So I am glad to know that I do not have to be the one to make that decision.
I would say the married list is true. I definitely do not mind people asking about my marriage and family, but I do not really crave that (does that make sense?). When I am hanging out with singles, I feel dumb talking about parenting (marriage not as much) because its so not interesting.
All the rest are good, though!! I especially think the last one is true. As well as the one asking advice. My sister calls me a lot about dating advice and i love that!!! I do enjoy talking about stuff other than kids/Brett.
Didd you expect a novel as a response? LOL
I really like this post Alison. Thanks for sharing. I agree with it all. I am working on doing the 5 "Loving Single Friends" things. It's quite an adjustment for me going from single to married life, and I want to say connected with my single friends. It's not the easiest thing, to be young and married, it really isn't. It's great being married to such a wonderful man, but any married woman will tell you that you need more friends than just your husband. And since most of my friends are young singles, it's easy for me to feel isolated. I'm not invited to get-togethers that much anymore, and I don't see my friends all that often, and I don't talk that much to them on the phone either. Now a lot of that is me needing to work on that first list (1. Initiate -- definitely!), some is that I am really busy with being a full time wife and full time nursing student (phew!), but it's sooo nice when I get a call from a single girl-friend of mine just asking me how I'm doing, how my husband is, and if I want to get together for coffee sometime. I haven't found anything much more encouraging than that lately, so I'm glad number 1 on "Loving Married Friends" made the list. :-) There's a lot more I could say (I've been thinking about this kind of stuff and God has been working on me in this area a lot lately) but I won't make this comment any longer than it is! :-D
ReplyDeleteBut thanks again Alison. You have such a beautiful soul, you are so intelligent, and your blog is so refreshing and fun to read! :o)
@Katie: THanks for the awesome comment! :o)
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