If My Brain Had A Name It Would Be 'Delorean'

Have you ever had a memory so strong you can still physically feel the past just by thinking about it? Yeah, that happened to me quite a bit this week. It catches my breath and squeezes my chest and induces mild anxiety at the thought that I might never feel that way again in real life like the way I do in my memory.

Do you think the memory of love can be more potent than in real life love? Sometimes, I think the answer to that question is yes because my memory of that love is a mix of the strongest aspects and moments of that time.

I know the answer is really no though. Nothing compares with in real life love shared between two people. My memory is only one sided. A memory can't hold me or tell me "I love you".

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Lately, God has been reminding me of how he uses relationship to manifest his love for me {and you}. I then realize memories are a mere shadow of reality, and if that is true then reality will be much more potent in the end.

God give me the reality.

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Sometimes I think about how it would be so much easier to stay single forever. That's just my self-preservation talking though. I only feel that way because I know the risk involved is great and the vulnerability is even greater. I hear the risk is worth it, but what I wonder is if someone will take the risk with me.

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Truth be told, I have the time and freedom to do many things my married don't have the luxury of having. The reason I know that is because my married girlfriends always remind me! Travel, hours alone, doing what I want when I want, don't have to stay on my side of the bed, girls weekends on a whim, chick-flicks, etc. As much as I love those things about my life, I would trade them in a heart beat to have what they have. I'm not saying what they have is better. It's just different. I don't want to waste the time I have, but I sure do want that difference! ;-)

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This is me.